Old Guestbook
The Oval Show debuted on the Internet in Spring of 1999. Coincidentally, or, as some cultural historians argue, not coincidentally, the Internet became enormously popular at just this same time. After a fabulously inventive and successful run, spanning nearly three years (rounding off, of course), the Oval Show finally changed the "look and feel" of their website in Fall of 2001, signaling the end of the Information Age.
During that three year-ish period, the Oval Show enjoyed enormous popularity, drawing web-surfing traffic exceeding 41 hits a week, or almost six hits per day. In this time, the peak of the Oval Show's creative disgorgements, the OvalShow.com's message board was aflutter with commentaries, criticisms, and daily pleasantries. The following are the highlighted excerpts of those psychadelic dialogues, with commentary by Oval Show empressario Sam Park, cultural commentator Douglas Coupland, author of Microserfs and Generation X, and cyberculture observer Douglas Rushkoff.
 Sam Park |
 Douglas Coupland |
 Douglas Rushkoff |
OVALSHOW GUESTBOOK
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I am wasting my life on computers. I hate them I hate them I hate them.
John Wayland <frodo@stanford.edu>
Nantucket, MA USA - Friday, May 12, 2000
Doug: Not unlike many of today's cyber-youth, Mr. Wayland, from the outset, displayed an ambiguous view of the very technologies that abetted his rise to fame and wealth.
Doug: He says he hates them. Is that ambiguous?
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This page sucks. you guys are terrible.
Gordon
Nowhere, USA - Friday, May 12, 2000
SP: Enter Gordon, psychopath, who is the inspiration for the dramatization in "Mother" and the documentary that the FBI has suppressed, "Gordon."
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Hey - I really like the work you guys are doing. Funny and first class, if a little odd. I think you need to add more to the words section. That section is great. And maybe spruce up the biographies and histories a little. Great work. ALoHa
Roy Aloha <aloka_kid@hotmail.com>
Piedmont, IL USA - Sunday, May 14, 2000
SP: Roy Aloha is the second known psychopath, or perhaps, more accurately, sociopath to attach himself to the Oval Show. Additionally, Roy Aloha allegedly regularly harassed a number of other organizations in Northern California. While there is a great deal of suspicion that Mr. Aloha was somehow attached to one of the many organizations into which he had a great deal of insight, his identity was never positively established.
Doug: Can I talk?
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This show has gone to shit since I left.
Robin Moroney
New York, NY USA - Tuesday, May 16, 2000
Doug: The story that I heard around this time was that Art Schram forced Robin Moroney out of the Oval Show over unspecified differences. Is that true?.
SP: Well, not entirely, Doug. The entire cast mutually decided that it was time for Robin to "move on." He threatened all of us.
Doug: Personally or creatively?
SP: Our masculinity. He was too much raw man. I didn't mind that so much. He is very bitter since.
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God that Arthur guy is Sexy. My God.
Whispering Willow <whistle_girl@headstrong.com>
Elk Glenn, WY USA - Wednesday, May 17, 2000
Doug: Art was a cyber-sex icon. Many women who did not even know how to use computers would send him their undergarments.
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I'm not dead, I've just become a whore. There's a difference. Duh.
Chris Tate <tatecg@yahoo.com>
New Canaan, CT USA - Saturday, May 20, 2000
Doug: Chris Tate was creatively repressed from ever completing his masterpiece "Shit Tossing."
Doug: It was sad. He became a whore.
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Robin Moroney is an impostor.
Robin Moroney
New York, NY USA - Friday, May 20, 2000 at 14:08:31 (EDT)
Doug: The intrigue begins. Was Moroney working as a spy even at this early date? Earlier?
Doug: And to whom does Moroney owe his allegiance?
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I don't know what to make of this stuff...
Nick Garbo
New York, NY USA - Thursday, May 21, 2000 at 15:13:42 (EDT)
SP: Enter Garbo. Inquiries about Garbo should be addressed to oval@ovalshow.com.
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So, guys, what's going to be really cool is when someone other than someone who has been directly involved with the show over the last two years posts a comment on this page. That, actually, will be cool. People already involved with the show abusing the guestbook, like they abuse the mailing list, by posting inane, useless comments, is not interesting. - Clark PS - This is probably actually Ritik.
T. Clark Durant <tcdurant@stanford.edu>
Stanford, CA USA - Monday, May 22, 2000 at 01:04:07 (EDT)
SP: People began masquerading as each other. It was awful. It led to such dissension. We had to have a meeting. In the meeting, Dax resigned from the show, Flann almost resigned, and David Reggelman, upon returning from Paris, was wrestled to the ground and beaten by John Wayland. Anyone care to dispute those events.
Doug: On the internet, everyone is anonymous.
Doug: How true.
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You're off the show Clark.
Ritik Dholakia <ritik@stanford.edu>
RI USA - Tuesday, May 23, 2000 at 18:31:02 (EDT)
SP: Indeed, Clark was on his way off the show, until an internal power struggle left him in charge.
Doug: "Off the show." Now that was the catchphrase of the late 90s. It could mean anything. Anything.
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Doesn't someone at this point start yelling about list master's censoring free speech? "This is so uncool. Next step, the nazis start marching in." Shouldn't we start flaming people for being "off-thread" and the like. Shouldn't someone say something right wing, or religious, or bigotted and then everyone else should start comparing them to Hitler? And why isn't there a single one of these things :) ;( !) ? This list is so obviously fraudulent! It's nothing! It's ironic! A damned meta-list! A list of lists! All in quotes, all unreal! Are you a real, genuine person, who has stumbled across this site and thinks to her or himself, "What is this Manly person talking about?" Stop pondering. Add something to this list, before it metastizes in its metapoisin. I am not Ritik Dholakia, but who would believe me?
Michael Manly <mmanly@altavista.com>
Bridgewater, AL USA - Tuesday, May 30, 2000 at 17:24:58 (EDT)
Doug: Manly, a heralded cultural critic in his own right (during the 1960s) often overreacted. His Institute for the Study of Manliness, at the University of Alabama at Bridgewater has turned out some groundbreaking work, though.
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New York City Rocks.
Frank Loggia
New York, NY USA - Monday, July 10, 2000 at 00:44:48 (EDT)
Doug: Enter Frank Loggia, pornographer.
SP: He lured Jeevan Kalanithi to New York. For what purpose?
Doug: Pornography, I'd assume.
Doug: But Jeevan was saved. By John and Ritik. In the Explorer.
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Aarrr!! This here is a jolly good website! Aarrr!! Oh, What a salty Dog I am. Aarrr! Aarrr!!
Owen Chase <cannibal@aol.com>
Nantucket, MA USA - Friday, July 28, 2000 at 18:21:05 (EDT)
Doug: There are pirates in Nantucket. Pirates named Owen. Owen is now a placekicker for the New York Giants.
Doug: Actually, Owen Chase was the first mate on the Nantucket whaleship Essex in the mid-nineteenth century. His account of being stove by a giant sperm whale was the inspiration for Melville's Moby Dick. What's interesting is that, though long dead, Mr. Chase was able to communicate through the Ovalshow's guestbook.
Doug: Chalk one more up to the internet.
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Just another site devoted to wasting energy that could been put to good use in the pest control industry.
Bob LeMent <boblement@hotmail.com>
St. Louis, MO USA - Tuesday, July 25, 2000 at 09:32:21 (EDT)
Doug: No argument here.
Doug: Agreed.
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I'd bet my boss won't like me looking at this webisite, because I work for a construction company, I order parts for them, I used to drywall but my back gives out on me, but he's at the clubhouse eating lunch with Marcy, who is his wife now. I was looking for oval socket joints, but I bet you don't know what those are. Anywho, I got this site. It's really consfusing especially the guest book part. Also, do you guys like girls?
John Mullover <johnm109943@aol.com>
Ft. Wayne, IN USA - Friday, August 15, 2000 at 17:50:08 (EDT)
SP: John and I are now good freinds.
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Matt: Love is the answer. You know that, and I know that for sure.
The Walrus
Coo Coo Cachoo, Tibet - Thursday, August 31, 2000 at 18:59:28 (EDT)
Doug: Matt is courted.
Doug: Love starts on the internet.
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You're all gods! Make more videos! Visit Smith! Get Naked!
Beth McSweeney <goldmind007>
NH USA - Tuesday, September 19, 2000 at 01:35:17 (EDT)
Doug: Enter McSweeney.
SP: McSweeney is a wonderful person. And proved to exist.
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I was serious about that naked shit. Arthur, John, and Jeevan are way hot...and I was totally serious about visiting smith! Have you ever thoughtabout doing a skit related to the postal system or funny scuba diving mishaps...just an idea...
Beth McSweeney <goldmind007@hotmail.com>
Northhampton,, MA USA - Tuesday, September 19, 2000 at 08:56:25 (EDT)
Doug: Sam, why were McSweeney's ideas never implemented? I think scuba diving postmen are pretty funny.
Doug: Yeah, and why didn't Arthur or John or Jeevan ever get naked? Not as though I pay attention to that sort of thing...
SP: This could've been a real time bomb. Luckily, no one else on the show was upset about not being singled out for adoration and sexual idolatry. Except Ritik. Meanwhile, in Mexico...
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Walrus: yr right. love IS the answer. thank you for the reminder McSweeney: who are you?? are you for real, or are you ritik? ritik, stop sending yrself fanmail
matt <flann@leland.stanford.edu>
palo alto, CA USA - Sunday, October 29, 2000 at 23:13:28 (EST)
Doug: Matt finds love.
SP: And sets off an enormous controversy. McSweeney is outraged that people think that she does not exist. Special Agent Moroney is employed to verify her existence.
Doug: On the internet, everyone is anonymous.
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You guys are the best. *sob* I'm just so damn happy being a real person!
Beth <emcsween@smith.edu>
Northampton, MA USA - Thursday, November 02, 2000 at 14:47:39 (EST)
Doug: The Oval Show finally does something to validate itself on a moral scale. McSweeney is not the first person that the Oval Show has made cry. (They apologize, Senator Bradley. Though crying is unbecoming of a Senator.)
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A whole new web site will be revealed sometime fairly soon (a week? two?), containing a few new videos as well as the old videos that were taken down like Dennys and Ice Cream. Hold onto your shirts folks.
Oval East
Brooklyn, NY USA - Tuesday, November 07, 2000 at 11:09:01 (EST)
Doug: This was a lie.
Doug: This marked the beginning of the end.
Doug: Of the Internet.
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When will the videos with Chuck be up? I love Chuck. He's my favorite oval show star.
RonaldoSwashbuckle <shopoah@aol.com>
USA - Wednesday, November 09, 2000 at 02:36:04 (EST)
Doug: Who in the heck is Chuck?
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Johnny Blaze...knowing your work in the past I thought this site would be pretty budget...looks like you're really fooling them. Keep up the good work. And if you don't find a job...hey....well you can always wash dishes....
Jareb <keltz@middlebury.edu>
Middlebury, Vt USA - Friday, January 19, 2001 at 15:21:17 (EST)
Doug: How did John get the nickname Johnny Blaze?
SP: As a youth he saved a number of puppies from a small fire. He was praised as a hero by the Nantucket community. Of course, it must be said that he was the one who started the fire.
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Hi Everybody - Thanks for continuing to visit the site. We should be posting at least one new video in the next week or so, with hopefully a few more to follow... Keep posting on the guestbook, it certainly brightens our days...
John Wayland <john@ovalshow.com>
brooklyn, ny china - Sunday, January 28, 2001 at 13:00:39 (EST)
Doug: The lies continue.
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I did not make that last post. Mostly, it is true. But I did not make it. I'm not pointing any fingers, but the person who did this know who they are. I think they should be ashamed.
The Real John Wayland <john@ovalshow.com>
Brooklyn, NY USA - Tuesday, January 30, 2001 at 15:55:56 (EST)
Doug: And continue.
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"The Real John Wayland" is not the real John Wayland, not anymore than the John Wayland from Brooklyn, China is the real John Wayland. I don't really have a problem with all these false posts made under my name. It's just that they're false, and I want the World to know.
John Wesley Wayland <John@ovalshow.com>
BROOKLYN, NY USA - Thursday, February 01, 2001 at 00:45:21 (EST)
Doug: And continue.
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Hello, this is the actual real John Wayland, I have no idea who any of those posts are from, but certainly not me. Preposterous! Now I shall return to my drinking of brandy and fine wines and smoking hand rolled Domincan Cigars. Yes, hmm, I believe my monacle needs a bit of touching up. Yes, most indubitably, and this top hat is mighty tight around my head. Well, cheerio!
John "$" Wayland <john@ovalshow.com>
Crooklyn, NY USA - Sunday, February 04, 2001 at 00:28:18 (EST)
Doug: Truth reenters the conversation.
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That poops one was kind of sick to tell you the truth. But i still laughed to death.
Habonga
USA - Monday, February 19, 2001 at 05:59:32 (EST)
SP: Not a real person.
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While I appreciate what it is trying to say, perfect poops just crosses that line, I'm afraid. Poo can be funny, but it has to be handled with skill, grace, and class. Genius, real genius, is represented by two simple words: shit tossing. The footage has been shot. Just you wait.
ChrisT. <tatecg@yahoo.com>
New Canaan, CT USA - Saturday, February 20, 2001 at 16:49:36 (EST)
Doug: Does Chris Tate still hurt inside?
Chris: They never let me cut "Shit Tossing!" It was genius!
SP: You're off the show, Chris. Out!
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Dear Sirs:
I'm writing on the behalf of my mother who recently watched your videos on the internet. She expressed deep concern that you had in fact "gone off the deep end." We believe all of the films we watched were "well done." We found them funny because they were supposed to be funny but were actually not. It was all very awkward laughter. Is that what you are going for? Trying to "trick" people into laughing because they think they are "supposed to" all the while presenting things that have humorous potential but have skillfully somehow been robbed of humor?
We thought that "Tigger" had some promise. The idea is wonderful and Tigger is a great character. The filming was done exquisitely with some nice angles...but it needs a little more to carry it through. Questions that came to my mind were "Why is this stuffed animal laying prone in the field?" "Did I really hear Tigger being compared to Jesus in the Music? If so could you develop that more please?" "Who says that there is no bouncing?" That whole no bouncing theme was hilarious...but I would have liked a little more lead in as to why no bouncing was being enforced or at least what totalitarian authority was enforcing it?" I basically wanted either more story or more background or something. There was a progression,,,,,but.... yes, but. Um, basically it was a big let down. Like sex without an orgasm. I got all stoked for this great Tigger film, then you guys just sort of dropped the ball and left me with a hard on I couldn't use. That's all I have to say.
Jareb
Middlebury, VT USA - Monday, February 19, 2001 at 11:13am (EST)
Doug: Film criticism at its finest.
Doug: INTERNET film criticism at its finest.
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hey boys...just a friendly hello. figgered it's been a while since i've harrased you all... harass harrass, harassment everywhere...there, i'm done. what a relief, eh? i would also like to take this opportunity to let that middlebury pussy know that he is a loser, but a different kind of loser...not the cool kind like me, the real dorky loser group.....okay, i'm going to shut up now before i sound even more drunk and retarded than i already do. Take care ya'll and i hope yer lives are all going well!
Beth <ya'll know me>
northampton, ma USA - Sunday, February 25, 2001 at 01:39:27 (EST)
Doug: Jareb, you better watch out, buddy.
Doug: Hell hath no fury like...
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This website should be shut down immediately. There has been no new material posted on this website since the last time I checked, which was probably one year ago. How do you guys expect to make people laugh (which I presume is what your intent is) if you don't even do anything. As my biggest laugh-producing sketch's star, the upstaging mutt known as triumph might say..."Hey, Ovalshow, you run a fine website... for me to poop on!" Except that I, Conan O'Brien, would poop on your website, not a plastic dog. You guys suck, suck-o.
Conan O'Brien <conan@nbc.com>
New York City, NY USA - Thursday, March 08, 2001 at 17:21:09 (EST)
Doug: The beginning, and end, of the Oval Show's flirtation with the Big Time.
SP: Screw you, Conan.
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It rooks rike there wirr be a new plesident and a new stalt over hele.
Lobin Moloney <lobin.moloney@stanfoldarumni.olg>
Lamma Island, Hong Kong - Monday, April 23, 2001 at 09:41:14 (EDT)
SP: This day wirr rive ininfamy.
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I would like to see more humour in your films. They would be funnier that way.
Giles Breuer <giles1215@aol.com>
La France - Wednesday, May 30, 2001 at 17:40:09 (EDT)
Doug: The recession begins, and truth becomes a commodity. The boys at Oval Show get down.
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My mother told me about the bear market of her youth. She could get two dozen grizzly ears for only a nickel. Not to mention the great deals on pickled claws.
Carson Biannualy <stopthat@imeanit.com>
Singer, LA UAE - Wednesday, July 9, 2001 at 15:58:31 (EDT)
Doug: Even stories of the old time can't pick them up.
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I am not a real person, and I am tired of it. No one respects me or even talks to me, to say nothing of my bad luck with the opposite sex. I am also frustrated by the Oval Show's lack of success. There are plenty of other shabby, low-quality shows that enjoy moderate financial reapings, and I don't see why this third-rate production should be any different. But I suppose no one cares about my opinion.
James Manning <james.manning@hotmail.com>
New York City, NY USA - Tuesday, July 10, 2001 at 14:21:47 (EDT)
Doug: Backhanded praise from fake poeple have no effect.
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Wow, you fellas seem like such decent, decent people. Why must you use such language? Why can't you be nice to each other? Why can't you be more like your brother? If I were you, I would make really good films, and funny ones too. Everyone would laugh, point and know I was funny. If I were you. Maybe you should be more like me.
Juan Abbee <juanabbee@likeme.com>
Nantucket, MA USA - Wednesday, July 11, 2001 at 19:41:00 (EDT)
Doug: They are attacked from all sides.
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They don't use foul language; They speak in the vernacular of our time. Also, they are indecent. I think they should all be naked on the website. That way they would no longer be hiding behind their indecency. Honesty = Truth + Nakedness
Lee Marvin <Lemur@loveme.com>
Portland, OR USA - Thursday, July 12, 2001 at 11:24:31 (EDT)
Doug: And defended only by truth.
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This show is Over.
Sam Park <spark@hotmail.com>
Los Angeles, CA USA - Sunday, Julty 15 , 2001 at 19:21:31 (EDT)
Doug: That says it all.
Doug: The end of the internet as we know it.
SP: Thanks for your time, guys.
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