Why This Site Should Be Shut Down
by Dax Bamberger

The site should be shut down because whenever I go to look at it, which isn't all that often, there's never any new stuff to look at. Today, for instance, there's a few pictures of the boys in Europe but everyone knows those kinds of things can be faked using Photoshop and a razor blade. How hard is it to post new content every once in awhile? Not that hard.

The site should be shut down because when I look at it I am struck by how it is nothing more than a skinny imitation of another more famous site (cnn.com in this case). This is obvious by your over-use of "links", "text", and "quicktime videos". Cnn.com does all this and they do it better.

Frankly, the combination of old-time design with high-tech html quackery is annoying. What kind of poor befuddled Chinese immigrant did you clobber on the head to get these cheap clip-art "etchings"? The blind kind? The baby reading the paper is, alone, at least forty-five good reasons to hang this deer upside-down from a tree and slit its throat.

1) Babies don't read papers.
2) Babies don't wear wire-frame glasses perched oh-so-cutely on the tips of their pudgy little noses.
3) Babies don't have carefully mussed-up hair.
4) Babies don't wear swaddling clothes anymore.
5) Babies don't have or wear the two previously mentioned items while reading the paper.
6) Babies do have legs, which this one clearly does not have. The shoe sticking out from the casually draped dress is a fake.
7) Babies don't grip papers in such a fashion so that the upper two-thirds of the paper falls forward in a aesthetically pleasing manner.
8) Babies do not sit upright.
9) Babies do not cock their arms at such angles.
10) Is this one wearing an apron, too? Jesus.
11) And thirty-five more things.